he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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