Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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