Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
