like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
