u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
