i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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