i barfeds in our rink
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
