Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
