4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
