I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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