I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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