i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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