i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You ruined the universe
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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