Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
