He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
