Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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