Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
