alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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