im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
