dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
