I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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