Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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