You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
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