32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
