You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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