i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
