dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
did i just pee glitter
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
