Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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