so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
