you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
