I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Two words: blizzard sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
