on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
