A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
