Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
