i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
