she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
