Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
