Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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