I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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