as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
