i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
