i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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