Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
