hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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