These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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