She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
