Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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