i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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