Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
