Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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