I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
