got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
