Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well you can't waste a boner
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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