Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
