and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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