Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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